Marriage After Baby: Update
A few months ago I shared how my marriage had changed after having Winter. You can read the first post here. I received such a positive response and talked to so many other women who could relate so I decided to write an update.
Are we better now than ever before? Yes and no.
Perry said something recently that has stuck with me. I was frustrated and began verbalizing how I didn't expect our marriage to ever feel like "this" (whatever negative connotation "this" felt like at the time). He explained that I get so focused on the immediate, the present, the right now, that I forget about all the good days that we had before and the lifelong commitment of memories that are yet to be made.
He reminded me that marriage is not a sprint, it's a marathon. He continued to say that he doesn't get so "doomsday" about our tiffs because he knows that they are temporary, that we both want to work on them and that at the end of the day, there is love and a whole lot of it between us.
I can see that a lot of the moments when we are less than considerate have a direct link to the amount of stress in our lives at that given time. The week leading up to our move we were finalizing the agreements with our new tenants, packing the house and spending a few days on a last minute family vacation. Everything was going according to plan and Perry and I were both in a really good place. Then on the first night in the hotel with my family in Vail, Winter decided she wasn't going to sleep. She was up for three hours in the middle of the night, wanting to be held and nursed every hour. We thought that maybe it was just an adjustment period to her pack-and-play and that the following nights would be better. Unfortunately, each night it only got worse.
Don't get me wrong, the vacation was lovely. Seeing my family was exactly what I needed; but, when you are that sleep deprived, it is hard to protect yourself from old habits and the first thing that went out the window was the way Perry and I spoke to each other. I wish in those moments I could say that we leaned on each other, laughed about how ridiculously tired we were and made the best out of the situation. I know we have been able to do this in the past when we've been stressed, but we haven't quite got the hang of how to do this when we haven't slept.
It took Winter nearly a week to reset from that trip. We both clocked 18 hour days caring for her, cleaning out the old house and moving into the new one. We've been at our new house for a little over two weeks now and still have half of our stuff in boxes in the basement. But here we are, with a new home and a healthy baby girl who has brought us so much joy over the past nine months.
I often think back to what Perry said on our wedding day as the wind began to howl and the rain began to pour. He took one look at the tears glistening in my eyes and softly stated, "Honey, it may be a 70% chance of rain but it's a 100% chance of marriage". It may sound cheesy but that is exactly what I needed to hear at that time. It rings true to our marriage today. We can't always predict the weather storms but I know that we are in for the long haul and if we wait it out long enough, that the most beautiful rainbow will be waiting for us on the other side.
Marriage is a choice and I still choose him. Always have, always will.
Photography by Joni Schrantz