I love writing about marriage. I think it is going to be so cool to read these post out loud to Perry as we sit on our front porch, rocking in our homemade chairs that Perry built, sipping tea and reminiscing about the phase in our marriage that challenged us to grow the most together.
I love all the bits of our marriage, from the intimate, most sacred conversations that we have to the real, raw and broken bits of excess turmoil, animosity and beautiful chaos.
We decided in June to go for it. We were finally ready for baby number two! Winter was getting much easier, we were about to embark on a two-week vacation in Hawaii, and my postpartum depression really seemed to be going easy on me. Life was good.
After I wrote that blog title I looked down and saw chills all over my body. You see, when Perry asked me to marry him, I didn't have one inkling that we would be a couple that would struggle as much as we did after having Winter. Sure, there were things we needed to work on, but our foundation, how in love we were, and our hopes and dreams for the future, were never signs that we would begin to crumble like the weight of the world was set upon us. But we weren't immune to stress. Our relationship bent and withered and frayed. We had to fight long and hard to keep it from breaking and now that we are on the other side of it all, I couldn't be more proud of us.
Whelp. I did it again. Just a month after getting my roman numeral 11 on my finger (read about the significance, here), I went and got another tattoo that means the world me: a tiny origami crane. Okay, now I think my tattoo collection is complete.
You may have noticed that my blog logo has always had an origami crane. It's been a symbol that has played such an intricate component in my life. So what's its significance?
I started writing the Marriage After Baby series to document the good, the bad and the raw bits of marriage. I think it is so important to be transparent about relationships because it is definitely not like the a romantic movie may depict it, as marriage is no walk in the park!
Perry and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary this past week. I get a lot of questions on how I met Perry so I figured I would take you all down memory lane and post our engagement photos with the blurb I wrote on our wedding website on how we met. For our shoot, we went to Bishops Castle in Colorado. I rented a stunning sequin dress from Rent the Runway and Perry dressed up in the finest getup he owned. Our dear friend, Joni, took the photos and killed it on the lighting. Would you believe this castle was really, really dark? It was so fun dressing up like a queen and king for a day even though it was below freezing this day.
I have opened up quite a lot on this platform about my marriage, revealing what's it’s been like for Perry and I after having a child. I am constantly learning and evolving, discovering new ways I can better myself and our marriage. I share our experiences because I think it's important. I often wonder why we don't take communication and relationship classes all the way through grade school, high school and college? I feel like so many fights or mishaps could have been avoided if we had just been taught how to fight fairly. I learn the most about my marriage when I reflect and talk to others who can relate. So, I will continue to keep talking about it because, while I don't believe my marriage is quintessential or the holy grail of marriage, it's all I know.
Perry and I have never been big on celebrating Valentine's Day. No candy, no flowers and definitely no gifts. We both struggle with the concept of commercializing our love so for the last five years we have been together, we've opted out. It's been no lie that Perry and I have struggled with our relationship since becoming parents. There was a definite shift in our marriage when all of a sudden we went from being each others' world to having a small baby orbit in between us.
Winter is nearly 14-months-old now. I’ve heard that once a baby turns a year old things get "easier". While Winter is becoming more independent, has always been a joy to be around and is beginning to develop quite the personality, I don't know if the word "easier" really rings true for my family right now. I am having to do a lot of cognitive re-framing and instead of wishing or waiting for it to get "easier", I am hoping to and working on finding vitality and resilience when faced with the stress of being a parent.
A few months ago I shared how my marriage had changed after having Winter. You can read the first post here. I received such a positive response and talked to so many other women who could relate so I decided to write an update.