Marriage After Baby: Adopting Some New Ways to be Selfless + Connect
I can't believe it's been nearly three months since my last marriage update. I feel like so much has happened since October. Perry and I are making daily strides to redefine our relationship and stay a cohesive, loving team.
I don't know if you are like me, but I find it fascinating to watch other couples interact and pick out qualities about their relationship that I find intriguing. I don't do this to compare my relationship to theirs; I just find it so helpful to watch for those tiny moments or gestures that occur around me and try to introduce them into my relationship when they seem like a good fit.
For example, the other day when my nanny and her husband were leaving our house, I noticed how her husband grabber her shoes first and gave them to her before putting his on. I found it to be really quite sweet and decided right then that I wanted to mindfully try this out. So the next day when we were getting ready to leave, I reached for my husband's coat and beanie first, gave it to him and then proceeded to get myself ready. It wasn't like it was some grand gesture of love or anything, but it felt good to do it for him, and I could tell that he appreciated it based off the tiny grin that he shot my way as he received his belongings.
Another thing that we've adopted into our routine came from Perry's cousin and his girlfriend. When we were in Arizona, we noticed how playful the two of them were together. They made time to color and paint together and did this seemingly odd yet totally intriguing thing together every time there is a new moon or a full moon.
On the new moon, they each write down some things that they want to receive from the universe such as patience, gratitude, or anything else that they can think of. Then they go to the patio, hold hands and take turns reading out loud what they are hoping to receive. When they are finished reading, they then light the paper on fire and watch it as it disappears into ashes, the wind and beyond.
When the full moon comes around, they write down things that they want to let go of such as an argument they had, hurt feelings, a situation that caused them pain or a bad habit. They repeat the steps that they did for the new moon, read their lists to each other, moon gaze for a bit and then light the paper on fire.
Now, this may seem hippy dippy to some, but I think it is a great idea to set aside 15 minutes, twice a month to connect like this. Perry and I have completed one full moon cycle and want to continue doing it. We had the best time doing it!
The last thing that I have done is begun the 21 challenge by Becky Thompson. Her book, Love Unending, is all about ways to rediscover your marriage after motherhood. In the book, you will find antidotes from her life, passages and daily journal prompts, and inspiring quotes. I do want to note that it is pretty heavily faith-based, but even if that doesn't strike your fancy, it's really easy to pick and choose what sections you read and participate in. I think the journal prompts are just so beautiful; I would encourage anyone (no matter your religion or non-religion) to give it a go.
Marriage is a lifetime of evolving, developing and growing together. I know that Perry and I still have so much more work to do to continue to strengthen our relationship. I am just so thankful that I have him and I will continue to fight for the best love possible.
What are some things that you do in your relationship to connect and show the other person that you care?
Photography by Brittany Renee