Trying for Baby 2: Reframing the Waiting Game
Another month passes, and as I get closer and closer to the nine-month mark of trying for baby #2, I can't help but imagine what it would be like to be almost due and nearly 40 weeks pregnant. We have now been trying as long as it would have taken to carry a baby to term.
I spend so many moments imagining my sweet Winter no longer being my only child and at the same time, being fully present. I fear if I spend too much time daydreaming about the future that may or may not be, I am inadvertently wishing her to grow up a little quicker than fate intends, and God knows that I don't want to do that.
I don't think that coming to terms with the waiting game, giving in to divine intervention, nor letting the chips fall where they may have come naturally for me. You see, I am a planner. The 25-year-old me would think by the time I was 33, I would have two kids, and we would be well on our way to spending a year in Mexico which has always been a fantasy of mine. But life isn't dictated by plans nor by daydreams. It is, just as it should be, continuing to move my family and me towards something big, I just have to be patient.
A friend gave me the best advice the other day. What she said really helped me reframe this whole trying to conceive journey and I thought if you were in a similar boat as me, maybe it would help you too. She stated that she often felt that when a couple decides to try for a baby, that they are, in fact, at the start of the new baby experience. They had begun expanding their family just by deciding that they will try and that excitement was something that she could always go back to while she was waiting. (Thanks, Laurie for the advice!)
I like this idea.
I like thinking about how lucky I feel to have a partner who I am so eager to create another life with. I like being grateful that I have a precious, healthy toddler who will one day become the most loving big sister.
I can't control when this baby #2 will come. I can't say that if I will ever get pregnant again, if we would be willing to try things like IFV or if adoption is in our future. I do know, however, that we have begun the process of expanding our family and that, my friends, has to be something to hold onto.
So here's to those waiting. I congratulate you on beginning the process of expanding your family. But, I also know that there is nothing anyone can say that will take away the heartache of miscarriages, infertility, waiting to be matched for adoption, or failed rounds of IFV. My heart aches for those who continue to be denied what their whole being yearns for, but at the same time, I am so damn proud of anyone who has begun this journey. It's so hard to wait. It's so hard to let someone else drive the wheel in your life.
The waiting game is hard, but I do believe if I keep reframing my disappointment into hope, it won't be as difficult to get through. A huge sigh and a huge air hug to any mama or father who can relate.
Photography by Brittany Renee