Marriage After Baby: In A Really Good Place
After I wrote that blog title I looked down and saw chills all over my body. You see, when Perry asked me to marry him, I didn't have one inkling that we would be a couple that would struggle as much as we did after having Winter. Sure, there were things we needed to work on, but our foundation, how in love we were, and our hopes and dreams for the future, were never signs that we would begin to crumble like the weight of the world was set upon us. But we weren't immune to stress. Our relationship bent and withered and frayed. We had to fight long and hard to keep it from breaking and now that we are on the other side of it all, I couldn't be more proud of us.
Perry and I have never been more in love than we are today and damn, that feels so amazing to say. I don't think there was ever a time when we weren't in love, so to speak, but the anger, sleep deprivation and stress of having a baby with one partner experiencing postpartum depression was a lot to take on. I wanted to write this post to remind myself that even through the depths of trials and tribulations, love can win.
Every morning, I somehow wake up just seconds before Perry and stare at him. I don't think he realizes how beautiful he really is. As I set my intention for the day, I think about what I can do to show him that I care. We've been paying attention to the love languages recently and I must say that shifting our focus to showing each other that we care by speaking each other's love language has been a game changer. I pinned this pin and wrote it out in my journal. I think it's a great guide for couples on how to speak to each other and I hope you get some helpful tips from it as well.
We are really going out of our way to speak each others' love languages. I have shared this before, but just in case you're new to the blog--My love language is words of affirmation and his is gifts of service. Each day, I try to do at least one thing special for Perry and, in return, he says one thing that he values about me or what he loves about me that me day. It took a little bit of practice to get into a groove, but now it's becoming like second nature.
To spice things up a little bit, we recently connected with the owners of Modern Love Box, which is a monthly subscription box filled with luxury items and activities meant to enhance meaningful experiences and promote overall relationship success. The first box came with reflection questions, which I really loved doing with Perry after we did some of the activities it suggested to do.
I think the thing that irks me the most about our society is the mental health stigma we put on counseling and forgetting that relationships are work. They are constantly evolving and it takes a conscious effort everyday to grow closer together and not apart. I remember in the beginning of our relationship, even Perry had a stigma about counseling and thought that if we went or if we did things like a curated Love box, then we were broken. I think he now realizes that that couldn't be farther from truth.
I am so freaking thankful that we are on the other side of things. I just am so happy to be standing on this side of the rainbow with him with the storm long behind us.
Photography by Brittany Renee