My Thoughts On Adjusting to Life with Two Babies
The other day I was staring at Winter wondering how in the world I was ever going to love another a child as much as her? I know, I know, everyone says that your heart expands with each child and that I can absolutely love more than one, but for that moment, it just seemed unfathomable.
Because it took a bit to get pregnant (9 months), I have been so focused on staying grateful for this pregnancy. Most days I am overwhelmed with gratitude, but I would be lying if I said that it was all happy thoughts.
For someone who has battled a life-altering bout of postpartum depression the fear of going back there is 100% real. I want to collect more of my thoughts on this topic in a more detailed blog post soon, but thinking about the sleepless nights while raising another dependent can start to bring up some fear and anxiety for me.
My dear friend whom just had her second baby texted me and all it said was, "Enjoy this time with Winter." I had a feeling that I needed to inquire more about her text and she conveyed, "I love my babies. I am so thankful that I have two, but during some really hard moments I find myself reminiscing about the days when it was just me and my first son."
Now please don't get me wrong. I know that there are so many women who are yearning for a baby and that comment might come off as ungrateful. But at the same token, I was so appreciative for her candid text because it made me pause to think about how I am spending my days with my daughter, just the two of us. Her comment made me more cognizant of how I could be more present when I am with her.
When it comes down to it, Winter loves babies. Every time we go to a party with kids, Winter is the one wanting to hold "all the babies" as she says while other kids her age are busy in the sandbox or on the swings. She is going to be the most beautiful big sister and I am sure I will grow even more fondly of her once I see her with her sibling. But for now, I am soaking up these days with her and feeling so overwhelmed with how much I love my first born. She has taught me everything I know about being a mother which is a gift of a lifetime.
So Winter Roo, if you read this one day, please know how much your mommy loves you. To the luna and back, kid. To the moon and back.
*Thank you to everyone who gave their time to read this post. I just wanted to type out these feelings in order to let them go. Writing is how I process, and I always feel so much lighter once I do it. So thank you for always reading with positivity and support. It means the world to me.
Photography by Brittany Renee