Trying For Baby #2: Accepting Our Family Size

hope floats 2.jpg

Every time I open my phone, I am either tagged in a pregnancy post or I see someone new on my feed announcing that they are pregnant. My first response is always joy, but then comes the reminder that they are pregnant and I am not.

We have been actively trying for another baby since June. Eight months is enough time to realize that you want something so badly and begin to worry that it may not happen. There have been a few months where I was rocked by the appearance of my period and cried for two days, finding it hard to be present with my family. I have had some feelings of shame surrounding my emotions and actions. I've thought, "How dare I be upset when the two loves of my life are already here!" 

In the last few months, however, I have felt a shift. I have begun to understand the negative thoughts I have surrounding my disappointment no longer serves me. They have no space in my heart. I am learning to experience these negative emotions, lean into them for a few minutes and then let them go. I cannot control this. I cannot control this so why does it bother me so much when it's not happening on "my" time?

I am actively practicing abundance. I really believe the universe has an abundance of love and hope to give and if I keep asking for it, tune into it, then I shall receive. I often place my hands on my belly (just like I am doing in this picture) and concentrate on what it feels like to breathe into that space. I close my eyes and begin to ask the universe to continue to bless me with health so that I can create a loving, nurturing home for a baby one day. I give thanks. I acknowledge any negative feelings or anxiety surrounding not being pregnant and then I move on. 

When we took this photo,  I didn't anticipate that Winter would bring her baby doll into the shot. It's really fitting though. The way her and Perry are taking care of the baby in this photo elicits a state of hope and comfort. Winter is going to be the best big sister one day. I don't know when this day will be, but I do know one thing for sure, hope floats, and I am going to continue to catch it.

Photography by Brittany Renee