Letter To Winter: You Were My First
These last few weeks with your brother or sister in my belly have been some of the most magical times of my entire life. It’s not that we’ve done anything extraordinary…no big outings, no huge plans, no big surprises. Yet, the every day routine from bath time to bed time to playing in the yard has been some of the most memorable moments of my life.
As Mommy’s body gets closer to bringing your new sibling in the world, I crave lavender baths with lots of bubbles. The other night you jumped in with me as you often do and asked to wash my hair. You pulled my hair off to the side onto one shoulder. Facing towards me you spent twenty minutes washing my hair, putting bubbles on my nose and giggling. Winter, for me it was a series of moments when the world just stopped and I was so locked into you. I tried to etch the outline of your lips, your eyebrows and the deep honey brown color of your eyes deep into my memory. I wanted to stay there with you forever.
The next morning you climbed into bed with me and asked if you could say hi to the baby. You kissed my belly, said good morning and then insisted that Daddy give me a kiss on the forehead. The amount of attention and time you spend towards showing your affection to your family members is something that everyone should tune into, take note of and try to replicate. You are my little feeler, my emotional sponge and the sweetest person I have ever had the honor of knowing.
Then the other night while putting you to bed you gave me the gift of one big, deep belly laugh. You insisted that I read you a coping skills book for adults. It has a series of mini activities one can do to recenter and refocus. At one point after I had adapted an activity to be able to practice with you, I bowed down and said “Namaste.” You looked at me puzzled and said, “Mamaste? No I’m Winterste. You are Mamaste.” It’s now become our thing and every time we do belly breaths or growing like a tree (a yoga stretch series) we say our names as we bow, Mamaste and Winterste.
Winter Gates, any day now our family is going to change. Our hearts are going to grow as we welcome this new baby into our lives. I know there will be some adjustments to our new family dynamic but I always want you to remember that you were my first.
You taught me how to be a mother, how to live a selfless life, to find joy in the mundane, create magic within the ordinary and how to love with every square inch of my heart.
Winter girl, you are my life. Thank you for being my first. Thank you for being the greatest human I know!
To the luna and back, kid. To the moon and back.