Why We Aren't Finding Out the Gender


Our 20-week appointment is coming up quickly.  I have had a few DMs asking if I'd share about our decision to keep baby number two's gender a surprise. People often think we are nuts for not finding out. It literally drives my family members nuts. Especially my poor Mom.

I wrote about our decision to keep Winter's gender a surprise in her birth story (here). The story explains that when we were pregnant with Winter Perry had asked me to honor the most romantic request of our marriage thus far, the wish to wait to find out the gender until birth. You see, he was really wanting to find a way to connect to the baby. He commented on how amazing it was that I got to bond with the baby from conception and he too wanted to feel a part of that magic. He stated that he thought it would be super romantic if he were the one who presented our son or daughter, and it was such a sweet and sincere request, how could I possibly say no?

I will never, ever forget the moment when Perry said to me, "Terra, meet your daughter. We have a daughter!" in the delivery room and I'm getting teary-eyed right now just thinking about it. It was such an incredibly special moment for both of us. Perry felt that by revealing the gender to me, it was his first step in really being able to bond with the baby, allowing him to be an integral part of the delivery process. So this time around will be no different. I cannot wait for the day when Perry puts that sweet baby in my arms and announces whether we have a son or a daughter.

To be honest, it would be a heck of a lot easier logistically to find out the gender. Because our babies will be born almost three years apart, it would be nice to be able to hand down some of Winter's clothes to other people (if we knew that we were having a boy) or to sort and wash her clothes to get ready for her sister. Also, the kids will be sharing a room so knowing the gender would make it easier for me from a design perspective. Do I need to tone down the girl aspects of her room or can I keep it the same? These are just a few of the thoughts that pop into my mind. But when I break them down, the desire to want to find out the gender seems logistical and commercial in nature and that doesn't seem like a good enough reason to find out for us.

I know some people say that they really like to find out the gender to bond better with the baby, give the baby a name and help their existing children become used to the idea of becoming a big brother or sister. And all those reasons make perfect sense. But for me, I feel so bonded already. It helps that we already have the first name (it will be the same regardless of gender) and Winter is just so excited to become a big sister, and I don't think she really cares what the baby's gender is either. I know that every family has their reasoning for finding out sooner or for waiting until birth. No matter what your family decides to do, it's the perfect choice for you!  For us, we think it's so romantic to wait. Oh, and I hear if you don't know the gender you are more motivated to push because you want to know what the baby is finally! haha. 

So, I would love to know. Did you find out the gender beforehand or at birth? And why? It's always so fascinating to hear about other people's decisions and the reasoning behind them. 

Photography by Brittany Renee